Fahrenheit 飛輪海

The media are getting out of control these days. I am really sick and tired of learning new twists about 藝 人裸照. Frankly, I think this whole incident is an invasion of privacy. Celebrities are human-beings too. They deserve to have privacy. Whatever they do off-stage is their business. We the outsiders have no rights to criticize what they do as long as they are not doing anything illegal. (Personally, I don't think it's a crime to take those pictures.) Maybe I am a little bit more open-minded (well, we do have Paris Hilton and Britney Spears in the U.S.), but I just don't think those pictures are that big of a deal. Let's drop the topic, people. Give those who are involved some room to breathe.

Life is fragile. Disease and sickness can slowly drain life out of a person. Or, some tragic and unexpected accident might occur and take life in a matter of few seconds. You just never know.
沈殿霞 passed away a few days ago. It was well-known that she had been struggling with her health, but still, the news of her death came as a surprise for me. I feel sad, but in a way, I am starting to get used to (?) it. When I was younger, I didn't care so much about celebrities dying because I didn't really know who they were anyway. However, when Leslie Cheung committed suicide a few years ago, I cried like crazy because he was the first person whom I grew up watching to die. I suddenly realized that from then on I would only hear more of news like this--that someday I wouldn't able to see these people on TV anymore.
It must be a tough time for 沈殿霞's daughter to go through right now. It's not so much about her young age, but for anyone, it must be difficult to go through the cycle of discovering that his or her loved one is sick, then going through medical treatment with him/her, and finally seeing him/her lying on deathbed. It's heart wrenching. I know 沈殿霞's close friends are going to take good care of her daughter in her absence, so please rest in peace, 沈殿霞. I thank you for all the joy and laughters you had brought. You'll be missed.

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but simply moving on with dignity despite that fear."

- Pat Riley, NBA coach

So the fate of my company has been decided. It is acquired by a public company. A few people were laid off. I, being fortunate, was able to stay. However, this whole layoff business was too heart wrenching for me. I hope I don't have to go through it again. EVER.
Control, money, and freedom--these are three things that I would like to achieve in my career. The ultimate goal is to build an awesome web application with a few trusted individuals and then sell it for big bucks. We will have fun building something that we hope people would find useful. We will have control over our own destinies--working with people we like and building what we think are worthwhile. Selling a web application for millions of dollars are pretty normal in the web 2.0 sphere. We just need a golden idea, execute it, plus some luck and good timing, and we will be set for success.
It's fine to fail. I've helped build a social-networking site. It doesn't quite have the mass yet, and I am not sure if it ever will, but taking the first step is always important. At some point, we ought to stop dreaming and take actions. We can dream big in our minds, but dreams will never become reality if we do nothing.

If you work, one thing that's probably important to you is salary. And if you are lucky, you might be able to meet a few coworkers that you get along and enjoy working with. I have to say that I am fortunate enough to have both--I am actually underpaid, but I can live pretty comfortably with what I make right now. My coworkers are awesome people. I have fun working with them and learn a lot from them.
However, the situation is going to change. It seems inevitable that the company I work for will get acquired. One of the coworkers that I am closest with has already got a job offer somewhere else and is likely to leave. I am struggling to decide if I should stay and get a bonus package or follow suit and leave.
Money is not as important a thing for me than the people I work with. Of course, I would have to earn enough in order to make a living. But once I get to that level, it's the people and work environment that decide. I would much rather get paid less and work with people I like than making loads and be a loner.

In the movie Batman Begins, there is the following quote:
"Why do people fall?"
"So we can learn to pick ourselves up."
Life has its ups and downs. Nobody is perfect. Nobody can be the best and remain in the spotlight forever. During those down and frustrating times, one must learn to accept the failures and strive to make a come back. This is especially difficult to do if you are the best in what you do. People have expectations on you--they expect you to continue to be the best. And if you are really really good, people would talk as if you are invincible, that you are unbeatable, but deep down, they can't wait to see you fall and lose the top spot. And if that ever happens, people would start talking trash about you, like you are losing your touch or whatever.
Roger Federer, the dominant tennis player in the world, didn't make it to the Australian Open final this year. Why is it significant? Because this ends his record-breaking streak of consecutive appearances in Grand Slam finals. He can't win his third Australian Open title third year in a row. He can't move one title closer to Pete Sampras's all-time record of winning 14 Grand Slams. All he did was losing one match, and look how many different ways the media and critics are going to stump him on.
Throughout the coverage of the Australian Open, the media mentioned countless times the fact that Federer would have 13 Grand Slam titles if he were to win this event, which would make him one title within the all-time record. I don't know how Federer could play under such tremendous pressure. I don't watch Federer play that often, but I know he is not as invincible as people would like to describe him. Federer is only human. Yes, he is the best tennis player in the world, but no one, NO ONE, can win every single match. So what does one loss mean? Nothing. Federer has lost a match--a rather important match, but it's not the end of the world. What matters the most is that he learns what he's done wrong or what he hasn't done enough of and try not to commit the same faults again. And so what if he can't reach or break Sampras's record? He's still one darn good player in tennis history, and this is a fact that can't be denied and shouldn't be forgotten.

作詞：譚志華　
作曲：譚志華
走在人擠人的走道我問了自己
沒有愛情的人是否會 藏匿
那些電影常常讓人感覺甜蜜

Online dating or meeting people online are getting more and more common these days. Even though I helped built a social networking site before, personally I still resist the idea of meeting my other half online. Maybe because I am a female, but I think it's a lot safer to make new friends in person rather than via computers and an internet connection.
Well, despite of what I've just said, lately I have been trying out an online dating site. I don't feel like I am in a hurry to find a boyfriend, but I do hope that in the future I would have someone to spend the rest of my life with. And because my social circle is so small, I can't really meet new people in my daily life, so maybe an online dating site is the way to go. However, it hasn't been going well. I have yet to find someone who shares mutual interests with me. I mean, there are guys who are interested in me, but I am not interested in them at all. And the guys that I am interested in are not interested in me. So...it's a struggle.
I am a little bit frustrated because I don't know if I should do something special to draw more attention on myself. I strongly believe that I should tell others the true side of me and let them decide whether they want to become friends or develop a relationship with me. I don't want to pretend to be someone else just so that others would like me. But then, I am not really a likable person in the first place--it takes a while to break the ice.
Anyway, I guess I will just wait until my three-month subscription ends and see the results. I believe in fate. If I were meant to meet someone, then someday somehow that person would find his way into my life. If not, I think I can survive on my own. :)

Do you feel embarrassed or upset whenever someone makes an unkind comment about you? I don't know why, but there always seems to be these fools around me who have nothing better to do but to make fun of people (like me). On the outside, I pretend that I pay no mind to what they say, but inside, I curse them all to go to hell. And then, after a while, I feel guilty about the cursing--I am not such a nice person either if I wish bad things to happen on other people. Every time I tell myself to not let this kind of things bother me next time, but sadly I still let those things get to me over and over again.
The incident:
My dad was hanging fresh laundry to dry in our back yard this morning. Now, typical Americans view this as a weird thing to do. They usually use a dryer to dry their laundry. My family, on the other hand, is used to doing this. We didn't have a dryer when we used to live in HK, and even though we have a dryer now, we avoid using it to save electricity (and thus money). Anyway, some teenagers in the neighborhood saw what my dad was doing, and they laughed at him and made fun of him by calling him "sexy daddy". Luckily, my dad didn't understand a word that they said. However, I overheard everything and was not too happy about it.

"What would you choose to do in life if money isn't a concern?"
This is a question that my coworker asked me the other day. Well, not having to worry about money is nice, but for me, I don't think I can ever live the way that I want to if I have to worry about health and my beloved ones, so I would add that as another precondition. Basically, I would rephrase the question to be

"How would you live your life if you were carefree?"
I would do continuous education. I am interested in a lot of things--math and science (physics and biology), languages, arts, mechanics, etc. It's not necessary for me to obtain a Bachelor's degree on all these, but I would just want to take courses.
I might do whatever it takes to get myself into the field of medicines. I don't want to become a doctor (I dreamed of becoming a surgeon), but it would be nice if I can at least contribute to researches in genetics.
I would travel around the world. If I find a place I like, I might choose to stay there a little longer.
I might move to some Asian countries permanently. Taiwan and Singapore are a couple of fine places. I would love to make a long-term stay.
I would continue to work but would become more selective in choosing my job. I enjoy building softwares, so I might start and fund a company with a couple of good friends.
I would fund my family on whatever things that they want to do.
:) That's all I can think of for now.

Here are the eleven rules of life that Bill Gates mentioned during his speech to a group of high school students:
Rule 1: Life is not fair -- get used to it! Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself. Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both. Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping -- they called it opportunity. Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them. Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room. Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life. Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time. Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

It's barely one week into the new year, but so far bad things have been happening to me. I am REALLY REALLY REALLY stressed out right now, and because they are kind of personal, I guess I can only mention them here so people in my end of the world wouldn't know about them.
First of all, the company that I work for is currently undergoing an acquisition (i.e., my company is being bought). Well, it's supposed to be a good thing since my company is small and having a hard time getting revenue, so if another company buys us then at least we can survive longer, but the  reality is that the company that is buying us is so small that we aren't sure of our future anymore. Once we are acquired, will there be lay-offs?  How long can my company last under the new mother company? Because of all these uncertainties, my manager has told us to start looking for jobs a couple of months back. I love working with my coworkers and I never like switching environments, so I am having a hard time deciding what to do. Should I get a new job and leave? If I don't do it now, the job market might be bad a few months from now and then I wouldn't be able to find a job...so all these thoughts have been going on in my mind for a while now...Sigh, we had a chance to be bought by a well-known multiple billion dollar company, but luck wasn't on our side...
So, listening to my manager, I have been looking around for jobs. I spoke with a few companies, but I wasn't really interested in any of them except one. I got so far along that I actually got an offer from them, but at the time I thought the salary wasn't high enough for me to make the jump. Besides, I had doubts about whether I really qualified for the job or not (I would have to learn a lot of new things), and I didn't really feel comfortable around the employees of that company, so I declined the offer. Then the people proposed that maybe I could do part-time contracting work for them, and I thought, OK, this would just be like working on a side project, why not make some extra money? So I agreed and started doing work for them this week. Since I still have a day-time job, I can only work on their stuff at night. In the end, I work over 12 hours a day. I guess the worst part is that those people are running on tight schedules, and the developer that I have to collaborate with has strong opinions on how things should be implemented. I am under constant pressure because I am worried that I can't finish my tasks on time or the other developer might not approve of my way of doing things. Anyway, because I don't enjoy it that much, I told the CTO today that I might have to breach the contract. He sounded understanding and he asked if we could work something out, but the fact is that I feel very uncomfortable now and don't think I can continue further, yet I agreed to wait until Friday to make a final decision. I really wish that he would let me go then.
Then on the family side, my dad has been receiving government benefits, and recently the agency has conducted a review to see if my dad still qualifies for the benefits. I filled out the form (since my parents don't know English), but this kind of form is very tricky to fill out. You don't want to lie, but you can't tell them too much because they might use those facts against you and take away your benefits. Until we are acknowledged of the outcome, I would probably be worried about it. Losing cash benefit is one thing, but it would be terrible if my dad loses his medical benefits (medical expenses are super high in the U.S.), so I am stressed out over this too.
I am not religious, but I usually pray whenever I am under tremendous amount of stress. I hope everything will work out OK. God bless.
A lot of my worries are derived from money. Money might not solve all the problems in the world, but it's definitely a necessity. I know myself for one would be a lot happier if I don't have to worry about not having money or going bankrupt all the time...

This isn't a new song, but I loooove the lyrics. :)

I think the reason why I like the song so much is because I can relate to the lyrics "It's not easy to be me". Sometimes living isn't easy, is it?